Astound your friends! Confound your enemies!

Paul Simon had this to say in his song 'America':

She said the man in the gaberdine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful, his bow tie is really a camera"

Blondie, not to be outdone, wrote a whole song about spies, entitled 'Contact In Red Square'. An extract is below:

Although I'm young, I've got a job to do
There's a microfilm in the lining of my shoe

Calvin, from the comic strip 'Calvin and Hobbes', says this:

This is real secret agent stuff...it's so cool, I have to go to the bathroom!

The poet Kipling, in 'Smugglers' Song':

Laces for a lady, letters for a spy,
Watch the wall, my darling, while the Gentlemen ride by!

These words of wisdom from an agent in the field:

Hotel Clerk: You are welcome to stay and help us drive out the bad guys.
Agent: Thanks, but I have to do my laundry tonight.

Comm. Officer: "That's a bunch of Sheites with AK47s chasing us."
Agent: "Praise Allah and pass the ammo."
Comm. Officer: "We don't _have_ any ammo."
Agent: "Then why are you driving so slowly?" (we were doing ~80 on a bike.)
Comm. Officer: "You wanna throw something at them?"
Agent: "How about the rear fender? It's about to fall off, and me too." (now exceeding 95 going downhill.)
Comm. Officer: "Do you always make jokes just before you die?"

The name's Bond - Basildon Bond. Licensed to kill and drive heavy goods vehicles. The work I do is so secret, even my inside leg measurement is ex-directory. We all have code names, working our way backwards through the alphabet. My boss is P. Before that he was Q. So after Q-ing for a while, he finally got to P.

Back to the Secret Agent's Homepage